Chapter 6: College Time.

Patience Readers... Working full time + School full time = NO TIME LEFT OVER!

The summer continued and we grew closer and closer together. We were together as much as possible. However, there was something looming overhead. At the end of that summer, Katelin was to move to Provo for school and in my eyes, I thought this meant we would be over. I remember doing the math in my head seeing we would be together about six months in total. That was impressive in my mind. Little did I understand we would continue for years past that. It became a little bit of a miscommunication between us. Our six-month anniversary was fast approaching and we were both talking like we were going to break up once she moved. It was a silly though really as we were doing really well, still in love. 

Then it was August the 27^th, our six-month anniversary. We spent the evening on the roof again. It was an emotional experience; What he means is... I just sat. And bawled the most unattractive breakdown ever. ha. I think I may have even cried. I told Katelin a lot of things she didn’t know about how I felt about her. I pretty much explained a lot of what I have already written here. I told her of how much of an example she is to me and how much I love her. We only kissed once or twice, mostly we just sat. For a long time. Looking out over the lighted valley at night. Then we climbed back down and said goodbye. I though it was over. I went into my bedroom and did what I always do when things are tough for me. I lay in the dark on my shag rug and cry. I can’t remember too well her birthday the next day or what date exactly she moved away but, it was rough. I do remember, however, the first visit I paid her in Provo. 

I was working for Simply Mac at the time and I had to run to the store in Orem to finish off my day. So, I thought I would swing by and visit. I pricked her up and we went to McDonalds, typical Trace and Katelin. We went back to her apartment and met her roommates. We sat on the floor and ate. It was the most awkward 15 minutes of my life. UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY. I have literally never felt more awkward. No one knew what was going on. Katelin will tell you that she thought we were still together, but I’m pretty sure we were not together. The awkward part was that neither of us really knew why we were separated. I left shortly after that and soon after that we had a good chat about us. I can’t remember when we spoke but the verdict was, we were still together. I was happy with that. It was such a huge relief. It was like starting over… again. Interesting. For the record, I came home that weekend for the neighborhood summer party. I brought Trace, and when his friends would call him, he'd say, "I'm with Katelin," and they'd say, "You got back together?" I think I hit him the second time and said DUDE! then we talked and realized... why the heck wouldn't we be together? 

Then school started and the pressure was back on. School and work and a relationship proved to be a little much for both of us. We weren’t used to the university life and we weren’t used to being that far apart. It was hard but we pushed through the adversity. Because it was hard to see her now, every time I did, it was even more of a treat. We really had to rely on each other as much as we could. I needed her and I think she needed me. Some of my favorite memoreies were when I would take the day off of work on a day when I didn’t have class and I would drive down to Provo to surprise her. Just to relieve some of her burden, and mine as well. OKAY! This happened ONCE! But, I gave him so much praise for it, he must have thought it was multiple times. I was having a breakdown cuz school was too hard. I was sobbing and texting him. I heard the door open and Jelina say, "Oh. Hi!" I opened my bedroom door to see the cutest kid with open arms. (Cue the Journey song....) Anyway, he was wearing his green zip up hoodie. I remember. It was the greatest day. He helped me catch up on homework, walked to campus to turn in papers, and just made sure I didn't cry anymore. But, again... one time. Katelin would come visit me often as well, finding any way she could to come up to Draper. We would spend hours together and then I would drive her home in the middle of the night sometime. Something that had been on my mind for a long time marrying Katelin; apparently she had been pondering the same and it was one of these drives where we both became aware of what the other was thinking.

I can’t remember how the conversation started, but we both admitted that wanted to marry the other at about the same time. The admittance came in the AM hours, just as I was pulling onto her street. I kept driving past her apartment for this was something we needed to talk about! Neither of us believed the other was being serious. It was so funny. Then Katelin started to believe me. She did her super excited giggle and squirmed in her seat, squeezing my hand tighter. It became a pretty normal topic of discussion after that. I seriously thought... there's no way this kid would put up with me for eternity. No way. But, he convinced me that he was serious. He's crazy. 

This is the day he drove me to Provo. He forgot to mention that he's the one that actually moved me down there, cuz his cousin had to go on the same day. HA! Oh heavens, he didn't talk about the necklace... here we go.
So the pick necklace. Trace wore that all. the time. It's the pick from his first show, and the pick from his favorite show. He never took it off, except a couple times. He couldn't wear it during shows cuz he'd go too wacko and break it, so one show he put it on me, I forgot to give it back, then I did. I would always play with it on his neck, I just loved it. On that fateful 6-Month anniversary, he gave me the sweetest letter about how much he'd loved the last 6 months, and in the envelope was the necklace. :) I don't wear it every day anymore, but I did. for like 2 years. I love it so much. 

This is one of the days I came home to go to lunch in Draper. :)

Date night in Provo!

Chapter 5: Summer of Love.

SAP WARNING! SAPPY SAPPY SAPPY! I can't believe this kid! I've tried thousands of times to get him to watch movies with me that aren't half and lovey dovey as this!!!

Another specific event of the early part of the year was our acceptance into BYU. Katelin was set on attending BYU and I wasn’t as convinced. I took absolute ages to apply but with her encouragement I was able to. I remember one instance in particular that I will treasure forever. I went to see my stake president for an ecclesiastical endorsement and Katelin drove me to the interview. The interview went really well… I passed, you could say. It was the best feeling to be worthy. I remember walking out of the stake center with my papers in hand, it was a clear night and it had become dark. Katelin was waiting outside for me in the parking lot. I remember looking at her smiling face, illuminated by the street lamp and feeling the most overwhelming feeling of gratitude. It was here that I gained an even deeper level of appreciation for her. I felt like I owed he so much. I wish I could explain the way I feel about her. I wish I could explain how I never want her to go away, how I want to just sit and talk to her forever. I wish there was a word for it, but I felt it that night.

Sorry for my lack of chronology the last few paragraphs, I will try to improve. This takes us into the closing months of high school. Katelin and I ended up spending a lot of time at my house and her family began to miss her and perhaps wonder whot his new boyfriend was. We didn’t spend too much time at ther house because, quite honestly, I was a bit intimidated. This is Roger Cook and 7 of the most righteous women I’ve ever met we’re talking about here. Needless to say, I got over my fear slowly. I began to really enjoy being at the Cook home and started to love being in their presence. But, Roger Cook was watching, always watching.

May-June 2009 was an excited time for me. Ocean Floor Traffic, the band of which I was a part of, had a battle of the bands to play. The day approached and Katelin, being the best girlfriend ever, was there. We played our set and it went really well, however, as the night wore on I began to feel a little ill. We sat and watched the remainder of the groups play from the balcony above the club. She gave me her stool and stood beside me as I leaned on the wall. She just sat and rubbed my back the whole time. Katelin is such a caring person, she shows love and concern for all those around her. This is one of the things that I admire most about her; her loving concern. The time came for the winner to be announced, so we went down to the floor and stood in the crowd. They announced that we took first place and I was thrilled, as was everyone else around. We were asked to come up on the stage, the band I mean, but I had to leave Katelin in the crowd. I remember looking down at her, still holding her hand while she was looking back at me with her soft smile. Amidst the cheering and people jumping around, I kissed her. It was the first time I kissed her in public and it felt good.

Senior Dinner Dance.

Graduation! Yeah!

Graduation came and went with all its festivities and we found ourselves in the summer before she would head off to university. ha. So British. The very beginning of that summer was an incredible time for me. I think our love was in full swing at this point and we were still crazy about each other. With the battle of the bands win came a bit of recording time. While I was doing that, Katelin decided to start having mono. This was a barrier I was determined to overcome. I would visit her at the beginning of her mono as much as I could. I was working and doing music things at the time. She spent most days inside at home so I would go over and sit with her and we would just talk. There wasn’t much else to do. I don’t even think we sat close. I’m not really sure how contagious the mono is, but I didn’t feel like risking it at the time. As time wore on I got close and closer to her… until one night I just kissed her. I was a bit freaked out that I was gonna get the mono so I was drinking vitamin c drinks like they were going out of style. I never got it though, and that’s how I beat the mono. I loved those days of just me and her relaxing together. I remember once we were sitting on a porch swing somewhere. I specifically remember that it was 11:45 in the evening. The air was warm, the night was quiet and you could even see the stars through the city lights. I held her on that swing as we talked about our relationship together and that moment became the epitome of that summer. What I wouldn’t give to go back and relive it again. It was going to be extremely late by the time 12:15 rolled around so I kissed her goodbye and walked down the path through the sprinklers to my car. I remember looking back at her and I could but tell her how beautiful she is, so I did!

Despite my mono, I did get to have some fun that summer...

Seven Peaks

Trace's Birthday Dinner

Boating for my birthday

Flour Fight. 

Chapter 4: Together at last.

Jump ahead a ways and we find ourselves in February, time for our first kiss. This is awkward... I had my opportunity earlier in the month that I should have pounced on. The situation goes like this. We ended up in the parking lot of Alta High School very late on a school night goofing off. I don’t remember the circumstances of why we were there, but we were. We were running around the parking lot acting like 12 year olds, but it was enjoyable. The time was drawing late and I believe even Roger Cook was ringing her. haha ringing her. he's so British. It was time to say goodbye. We hugged outside her car door and I held her for a moment, maintaining eye contact, and then I chickened out. I had kissed plenty of girls before this! Why was I so nervous about this one? I can’t put my thumb on it, but I think it may have to do with how she would always tell me about how perfect she wanted her first kiss to be, which had already been shattered by Brayden’s flop. I think this intimidated me. Regardless, It didn’t happen here and I was punching myself in the face for it.

I provided myself a second chance shortly thereafter. It was a weekend and she came over and we watched The Dark Knight together. It was getting late and also boring so I suggested that we climb to the roof. We did this promptly; took a blanket, snuck into the laundry room, and climbed up to the top of the house to enjoy the view. We spoke about a lot of things up there. it was right before Dance Company concert and all I could think was, ‘if she falls and breaks a leg, that’s gonna be trouble’. We were up there forever and I was still nervous! I was more nervous about this than anything else in my life! I play my guitar in front of hundreds of people, rap rhymes into microphones on stages, knock on doors selling satellite, speak to people on busses and trains and many other things, but kissing Katelin terrified me the most. We spoke for ages, we discussed her first kiss, my first kiss, I rapped the entire song “Shoes” and we talked about how freezing it was. But, I still wouldn’t kiss her. By this time, it was getting really late, Jake had showed up to my home and was reading in my bedroom, and my Aunt Emily was frantically scanning the house for me. Then it happened. The situation grew intense; I turned around and kissed her, just twice. Almost immediately, we climbed down and back into the laundry room. I think we both just busted up laughing after because we had made such a huge deal about it. And we both realized... phew! that wasn't so hard! We went straight from fireworks to my aunt yelling at me, and Jake badgering me. It was a truly memorable experience and that day, February the 27^th has come to be known as the beginning of Katelin and Trace.

I think this was the initiating experience to us becoming a couple. We were official after this. Kissing Katelin became less nerve racking for me and I started getting used to dating a girl who I was actually proud of. It was weird for me for the first little while when I began to become acquainted with her group of friends. It was awkward for quite some time but I got used to it. I think we spent most of March getting used to one another. It took some realization that we were, in fact, complete opposites and needed to adjust to the situation. I feel that we did it pretty well. The end of senior year became one of the greatest times of my life. Katelin and I were together… a lot.

Some of my most favorite memories with her were the times that we spent skipping class, hahahaha sorry parents. Skipping school usually meant McDonald’s breakfast and lounging around a park somewhere, sometimes it was going to her house and eating noodles or going to mine and watching SpongeBob. It didn’t really matter what we did as long as weren’t in school and we were together. I was so happy at this point. I loved being with her, I loved the feeling of sneaking around Draper during school with her, it was exciting and I became madly in love with her.

We had the opportunity to attend the Art History trip in San Francisco in April or May. This trip, over those few days taught me a lot. Things became very out in the open at this point that we were together and it weirded me out a bit. I had to get used to it. I had to get used to her holding only my hand everywhere we went, I still don’t think I’m accustomed to it, which I apologize for, sorry Katelin. But, San Francisco was incredible. I came to the realization here that Katelin and I were not just dating, but best friends. I would honestly talk to her about anything and everything. 

I don't remember what museum this was in front of...

Chapter 3: Winter of Senior Year

Continuing onto senior year!! I love this boy!

Before I continue, it might do me well to tell you my impressions of Katelin up to that point. I simply admired her. For so many reasons, but most of all, for her faith. She just did what was right. People always spoke of people having a light about them, having this Christlike countenance and I always thought it was ridiculous until I met Katelin. She definitely has it, still does. It was one of the many reasons I was attracted to her. She became quite the example in my eyes. I envied her strength.

That being said, she was very influential in my life at this time. I recall so many instances where I would be sitting in a dimly lit, smoke filled basement with sin all around me, with people when the spirit was far from and all I could think about was Katelin and her example. I didn’t dwell on how much I was letting my parents down or my father in heaven but I recognized that I was falling way short of the potential I had. I wanted to be better; I wanted to have the peace that I saw in Katelin. At this point, I felt that I couldn’t.

Time passed and it became wintertime of senior year. This time has been a blur in my mind for quite some time now but I will do my best to relate it. To be short, I was unhappy. Ellie and I broke up, my relationship with my mom was absolutely shattered and I had no testimony of Jesus Christ. I remember a particularly bad day sometime in February. I had spent the entire afternoon putting together music for “The Dream Team”. Dealing with Kory all day put me down and the invite to head over to Katelin’s house for Kung Fu Panda came as a huge relief. I went straight from Kory’s to Katelin’s house and immediately felt the change in atmosphere. It reminded me of where I was and what I wanted. During this movie was the first time that Katelin and I… cuddled; for lack of a better term. I remember just grabbing her hand and holding on tight. I wanted all of my frustration with life to go away, I wanted my relations with my family to return to normal, I wanted to be clean again, so I held on.

From this point we began to grow closer. Having her around more often gave me the strength to become what I wanted. I kicked some old habits and became, what Jared coined as, a cleanster. It was extremely fascinating how quickly I was able to turn my life around. I wasn’t there yet, but I was pointing in the right direction. Bishop Boshard became a huge part of this change as I had and incredible amount of repentance ahead of me. His inspired guidance and wisdom at this time is a huge part of my testimony of the truthfulness of this church. The repentance process gave me the insight into the atonement of Jesus Christ that I hold onto to this day.

One experience in particular that is ever so significant was one of my first meetings with Bishop Boshard. The interview was lengthy but necessary. He said, “Trace, I admire the desire you have to change your life around. However, I could sit here and tell you all day that the church is true and this is what your heavenly Father wants for you. But, you need to find out for yourself.” That night, I went home and got on my knees to pray. I prayed for many things but among them was that I needed something to tell me that what I was doing was right, something to give me the strength to continue. The answer came in this way… as soon as I said amen, my phone vibrated, it was a text message from Katelin. It was a scripture reference, 1 Timothy 2:3. It says, “For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior.” I couldn’t believe it. A scripture that is completely ambiguous to everything else except my situation. Sent to me the second I closed my prayer. I barely remember this, and I have no clue why I sent him that scripture... it meant nothing to me at the time. The spirit was truly guiding my actions. I believe I said another prayer of gratitude immediately after and replied back to that sweet girl who became the means whereby God answered my prayers. 

Things started to look better for me. It was around this time that Katelin told me how she was going to read her scriptures every day, no matter what. So, without saying anything, I joined along. I still carry this goal to this day. And there he goes one-upping me again! I'm trying... I swear. It was during those early time of reading the Book of Mormon that I began to regain my testimony. Through a lot of study and prayer, this is how I came to know the Book of Mormon is true. I apologize; I have delved into too many personal things. I want to backtrack to before February and into January. I forgot to mention Jacob Hall’s influence in the situation.

After I broke up and during my time with Ellie, Jake became a little bit of a crutch for me. His willingness to listen and support kept me sane through these times. Bless him. I really opened up to Jake about things and Katelin was one of them. We would talk about her for hours. Little did Trace know, I too used Jake as a crutch at this time. I would talk to him for hours about how badly I wanted to be with Trace. But neither of us would believe that the other one was actually interested. Oh poor Jacob. Bless his heart. She was just a friend during the winter of senior year, but I wanted her to be so much more. I just didn’t think it would happen. Jake urged me to do whatever I could to be together with her. I didn’t know how to go about it; it was frustrating. One time, in particular, I went to Katelin’s home to study for an art history test. She looked beautiful, as she always does and it was almost too much for me to handle. I wanted to kiss her, or hold onto her or something! But I didn’t have the guts. I just sat and dreamt about us being together. I remember driving home that night in the gold Mazda all alone, and I lost it. I was punching the steering wheel and yelling and then calling Jake and yelling as well. “I want to be with her so bad!” jakes reply was classic and one of the smartest utterances ever to proceed of the mouth of Desperado, “Then make it happen ya crazy.” Then came the experience that happened in Kun Fu Panda that was mentioned previously. Sorry, I backtracked but I had to mention this, as it was significant.

Next up... first kiss! But, I'm going out of town... patience!

Chapter 2 (Junior Year)

This one's a long one!! Here we go!

Anything typed like this is me interjecting... :) you're about to see into high school Katelin like you never have before! enjoy!

Between that spring until the beginning of junior year is a little bit of a mystery to me. I don’t recall too much interaction between us that summer. I do, however, remember the first day in Mrs. Beards US History class. It turns out that we were in the same class and Katelin still remembered me. She still made me nervous so I waited until she approached me, which she did immediately during a “get to know you” activity on the first day; I remember being absolutely terrified to talk to him. I was absolutely thrilled that she still knew me well enough to exchange a few words. This was what I like to call the second beginning.

I ended up sitting in the seat in front of her during Mrs. Beard’s class and as insignificant as it may seem, the excitement can only be described as, it felt like Christmas. I remember her constantly joking about anything and everything I am not funny... and our senses of humor are so different. I don't know how he thought I was funny. and I would use any excuse I could to turn around. I learned a lot about katelin and her personality in these times and she is still the same sweet, light-hearted woman today. We became pretty good classmates but nothing more until Cyndi and Brayden I mean. This year in school was when Brayden and I rekindled our friendship from; yes you guessed it, third grade. So, naturally, the invite came to join them. I remember Katelin invited me to one of their get togethers and this is when I made the sly move of getting her phone number. In class we had an ongoing joke about whose phone was more indestructible. So one day I explained to katelin that I was going to send her phone so many text messages that it was going to explode. She must have not believed me or something because she gave me her phone number. I’ll never forget it, 8-6-7-1-5-0-5. We were learning about the battle between Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull later in this class. We changed our names in each other's phones. I was Crazy Horse, he was Sitting Bull. We never changed them. Till he left for England!

As the time wore on, our relationship began to develop further and the lot of us became quite good friends. However, at this point, the opposite of what I wanted began to happen. I will explain how Brayden ended up with Katelin, and not me. I wanted her so bad, but perhaps I wasn’t making it manifest as I should have. I remember always paying special attention to her and always trying to be closest to her. Looking back now, I wish I would have made a move or something. No regrets! It all works out. I recall one experience where we all watched Hot Rod together and me sitting next to Katelin was my idea of “moving in for the kill”. Pitiful. There was NEVER any signals or signs sent. NO ONE had ANY CLUE he was interested! I swear!

Things grew progressively worse for me and increasingly better for Brayden. I had no idea at the time but I guess he just had more game than me… ha. hahahahahahaha I remember that final nail in the coffin as well. The sweethearts dance was coming up in February and Katelin asked Brayden and Cyndi asked me. This wasn’t the nail though. It was a nail for me! I wanted to go with him soooooo bad! Why do you think I told Cyndi to ask him? I loved being around him!! The night came along when I needed to answer Cyndi about the dance. So I got Katelin involved. I was all giddy because it meant that Katelin and I would be alone. I went to great lengths to make this happen and to be honest, I probably shouldn’t have gone out that night as the roads were quite icy and the snow was falling, but I went. I remember taking my mom’s car and still sliding as I turned onto 13^th east from highland drive. Scared me half to death. I picked up Katelin and went to the store and somehow Brayden managed to get wind of what we were up to and met us there. I was furious. Things were fine until we left Cyndi’s house and Brayden and Katelin sat in the backseat while I played chauffer. He is really making me sound like the bad guy. I remember Brayden asking me to sit in the back, and once again, no signs of interest from Mr. Trace. So I figured I was fine. Angry as I was, it quickly turned to heartache when I saw, in the rear view window, Katelin put her head on his shoulder. Pretty sure I was just terrified that we were all gonna die on these roads, so I was covering my face so I didn't have to watch. I was crushed and convinced myself that it was now hopeless. So, to an extent, I gave up on that dream. I decided to shift gears and just be a good friend to the both of them.

Just because those two ended up dating didn’t mean that Katelin and I didn’t become closer.  I often found myself playing mediator between the both of them. I remember several times talking to Katelin on the phone for a good half an hour to an hour discussing the two of them. I used ANY excuse to call him. Don’t think that I was trying to break the two of them up, in fact, I had moved on to chasing different women! I just found the two of them amusing and I still had a soft spot in my heart for Katelin. Katelin has asked me two or three times if I get jealous and I usually answer no. However, at this time, I may have been jealous… a tad bit. It used to get me every time. Brayden would say “Kate”. I think this is why I have always refrained from calling her this. That is just speculation however. He has called me Kate one time. That I can remember. Since I've met him. 

Alright... sorry everyone who I never told that I kissed a boy... whoops. I remember Katelin’s first kiss with Brayden. I won’t go into too much detail as I wasn’t present and Katelin may be upset at me. It happened during spring break of junior year, sometimes in March I believe. I was on holiday with my family in Mesquite and they both called me immediately after they separated that night. I took both their calls outside by the pool. They both had a different story to tell. But, I sat on a pool chair under the palm trees on that warm evening and wished it would have been me that kissed her. It was her first kiss and she would always tell me about how fantastic she wanted her first kiss to be. I think this is why I was so timid about doing it when I had the chance. It wasn't fantastic. For the record. I called Trace to complain, vent, and almost cry. 

As time wore on I grew further away from both Katelin and Brayden. I just stood on the sidelines you could say. I became very involved in Ocean Floor Traffic at this point and didn’t see much want in being a third wheel. Plus I had a quick little stint of dating a girl named Charlotte. The next main event was when Brayden and Katelin came to an end. Things had been a bit rocky for them as I can remember and Katelin called him up and called it off. I remember her ringing me immediately afterwards to talk about it. It was a show day for me so I was frantically running around making last minute preparations for the gig that evening. I wish I could have given the time and attention she deserved but I was driving and had the band mates crowded around. I remember the feeling I got when she told me. I was pulling onto 3^rd east from Willow Springs when she told me the news. I was definitely surprised. They both awkwardly came to the show that night.

The next chapter that unfolded in my life was a dark one. I need to take a break from writing for a few moments to gather my thoughts and remember the sequence of events. It was the very end of junior year and the beginning of summer before senior year that things starting to go south for me. That summer I had limited communication with Katelin but I always considered her a very good friend. It was around this time that I started dating Ellie, which is a whole other story in itself. For many months, I had been hanging around friends who were doing things they shouldn’t have been and for many months I convinced myself I was strong enough to resist their wicked ways. Turns out I was wrong and the temptation wore me down. I ended up in a bad place. It was definitely an extremely low point in my life.

Stay tuned... this is gonna be good.