Chapter 3: Winter of Senior Year

Continuing onto senior year!! I love this boy!

Before I continue, it might do me well to tell you my impressions of Katelin up to that point. I simply admired her. For so many reasons, but most of all, for her faith. She just did what was right. People always spoke of people having a light about them, having this Christlike countenance and I always thought it was ridiculous until I met Katelin. She definitely has it, still does. It was one of the many reasons I was attracted to her. She became quite the example in my eyes. I envied her strength.

That being said, she was very influential in my life at this time. I recall so many instances where I would be sitting in a dimly lit, smoke filled basement with sin all around me, with people when the spirit was far from and all I could think about was Katelin and her example. I didn’t dwell on how much I was letting my parents down or my father in heaven but I recognized that I was falling way short of the potential I had. I wanted to be better; I wanted to have the peace that I saw in Katelin. At this point, I felt that I couldn’t.

Time passed and it became wintertime of senior year. This time has been a blur in my mind for quite some time now but I will do my best to relate it. To be short, I was unhappy. Ellie and I broke up, my relationship with my mom was absolutely shattered and I had no testimony of Jesus Christ. I remember a particularly bad day sometime in February. I had spent the entire afternoon putting together music for “The Dream Team”. Dealing with Kory all day put me down and the invite to head over to Katelin’s house for Kung Fu Panda came as a huge relief. I went straight from Kory’s to Katelin’s house and immediately felt the change in atmosphere. It reminded me of where I was and what I wanted. During this movie was the first time that Katelin and I… cuddled; for lack of a better term. I remember just grabbing her hand and holding on tight. I wanted all of my frustration with life to go away, I wanted my relations with my family to return to normal, I wanted to be clean again, so I held on.

From this point we began to grow closer. Having her around more often gave me the strength to become what I wanted. I kicked some old habits and became, what Jared coined as, a cleanster. It was extremely fascinating how quickly I was able to turn my life around. I wasn’t there yet, but I was pointing in the right direction. Bishop Boshard became a huge part of this change as I had and incredible amount of repentance ahead of me. His inspired guidance and wisdom at this time is a huge part of my testimony of the truthfulness of this church. The repentance process gave me the insight into the atonement of Jesus Christ that I hold onto to this day.

One experience in particular that is ever so significant was one of my first meetings with Bishop Boshard. The interview was lengthy but necessary. He said, “Trace, I admire the desire you have to change your life around. However, I could sit here and tell you all day that the church is true and this is what your heavenly Father wants for you. But, you need to find out for yourself.” That night, I went home and got on my knees to pray. I prayed for many things but among them was that I needed something to tell me that what I was doing was right, something to give me the strength to continue. The answer came in this way… as soon as I said amen, my phone vibrated, it was a text message from Katelin. It was a scripture reference, 1 Timothy 2:3. It says, “For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior.” I couldn’t believe it. A scripture that is completely ambiguous to everything else except my situation. Sent to me the second I closed my prayer. I barely remember this, and I have no clue why I sent him that scripture... it meant nothing to me at the time. The spirit was truly guiding my actions. I believe I said another prayer of gratitude immediately after and replied back to that sweet girl who became the means whereby God answered my prayers. 

Things started to look better for me. It was around this time that Katelin told me how she was going to read her scriptures every day, no matter what. So, without saying anything, I joined along. I still carry this goal to this day. And there he goes one-upping me again! I'm trying... I swear. It was during those early time of reading the Book of Mormon that I began to regain my testimony. Through a lot of study and prayer, this is how I came to know the Book of Mormon is true. I apologize; I have delved into too many personal things. I want to backtrack to before February and into January. I forgot to mention Jacob Hall’s influence in the situation.

After I broke up and during my time with Ellie, Jake became a little bit of a crutch for me. His willingness to listen and support kept me sane through these times. Bless him. I really opened up to Jake about things and Katelin was one of them. We would talk about her for hours. Little did Trace know, I too used Jake as a crutch at this time. I would talk to him for hours about how badly I wanted to be with Trace. But neither of us would believe that the other one was actually interested. Oh poor Jacob. Bless his heart. She was just a friend during the winter of senior year, but I wanted her to be so much more. I just didn’t think it would happen. Jake urged me to do whatever I could to be together with her. I didn’t know how to go about it; it was frustrating. One time, in particular, I went to Katelin’s home to study for an art history test. She looked beautiful, as she always does and it was almost too much for me to handle. I wanted to kiss her, or hold onto her or something! But I didn’t have the guts. I just sat and dreamt about us being together. I remember driving home that night in the gold Mazda all alone, and I lost it. I was punching the steering wheel and yelling and then calling Jake and yelling as well. “I want to be with her so bad!” jakes reply was classic and one of the smartest utterances ever to proceed of the mouth of Desperado, “Then make it happen ya crazy.” Then came the experience that happened in Kun Fu Panda that was mentioned previously. Sorry, I backtracked but I had to mention this, as it was significant.

Next up... first kiss! But, I'm going out of town... patience!