Chapter 3: Winter of Senior Year

Continuing onto senior year!! I love this boy!

Before I continue, it might do me well to tell you my impressions of Katelin up to that point. I simply admired her. For so many reasons, but most of all, for her faith. She just did what was right. People always spoke of people having a light about them, having this Christlike countenance and I always thought it was ridiculous until I met Katelin. She definitely has it, still does. It was one of the many reasons I was attracted to her. She became quite the example in my eyes. I envied her strength.

That being said, she was very influential in my life at this time. I recall so many instances where I would be sitting in a dimly lit, smoke filled basement with sin all around me, with people when the spirit was far from and all I could think about was Katelin and her example. I didn’t dwell on how much I was letting my parents down or my father in heaven but I recognized that I was falling way short of the potential I had. I wanted to be better; I wanted to have the peace that I saw in Katelin. At this point, I felt that I couldn’t.

Time passed and it became wintertime of senior year. This time has been a blur in my mind for quite some time now but I will do my best to relate it. To be short, I was unhappy. Ellie and I broke up, my relationship with my mom was absolutely shattered and I had no testimony of Jesus Christ. I remember a particularly bad day sometime in February. I had spent the entire afternoon putting together music for “The Dream Team”. Dealing with Kory all day put me down and the invite to head over to Katelin’s house for Kung Fu Panda came as a huge relief. I went straight from Kory’s to Katelin’s house and immediately felt the change in atmosphere. It reminded me of where I was and what I wanted. During this movie was the first time that Katelin and I… cuddled; for lack of a better term. I remember just grabbing her hand and holding on tight. I wanted all of my frustration with life to go away, I wanted my relations with my family to return to normal, I wanted to be clean again, so I held on.

From this point we began to grow closer. Having her around more often gave me the strength to become what I wanted. I kicked some old habits and became, what Jared coined as, a cleanster. It was extremely fascinating how quickly I was able to turn my life around. I wasn’t there yet, but I was pointing in the right direction. Bishop Boshard became a huge part of this change as I had and incredible amount of repentance ahead of me. His inspired guidance and wisdom at this time is a huge part of my testimony of the truthfulness of this church. The repentance process gave me the insight into the atonement of Jesus Christ that I hold onto to this day.

One experience in particular that is ever so significant was one of my first meetings with Bishop Boshard. The interview was lengthy but necessary. He said, “Trace, I admire the desire you have to change your life around. However, I could sit here and tell you all day that the church is true and this is what your heavenly Father wants for you. But, you need to find out for yourself.” That night, I went home and got on my knees to pray. I prayed for many things but among them was that I needed something to tell me that what I was doing was right, something to give me the strength to continue. The answer came in this way… as soon as I said amen, my phone vibrated, it was a text message from Katelin. It was a scripture reference, 1 Timothy 2:3. It says, “For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior.” I couldn’t believe it. A scripture that is completely ambiguous to everything else except my situation. Sent to me the second I closed my prayer. I barely remember this, and I have no clue why I sent him that scripture... it meant nothing to me at the time. The spirit was truly guiding my actions. I believe I said another prayer of gratitude immediately after and replied back to that sweet girl who became the means whereby God answered my prayers. 

Things started to look better for me. It was around this time that Katelin told me how she was going to read her scriptures every day, no matter what. So, without saying anything, I joined along. I still carry this goal to this day. And there he goes one-upping me again! I'm trying... I swear. It was during those early time of reading the Book of Mormon that I began to regain my testimony. Through a lot of study and prayer, this is how I came to know the Book of Mormon is true. I apologize; I have delved into too many personal things. I want to backtrack to before February and into January. I forgot to mention Jacob Hall’s influence in the situation.

After I broke up and during my time with Ellie, Jake became a little bit of a crutch for me. His willingness to listen and support kept me sane through these times. Bless him. I really opened up to Jake about things and Katelin was one of them. We would talk about her for hours. Little did Trace know, I too used Jake as a crutch at this time. I would talk to him for hours about how badly I wanted to be with Trace. But neither of us would believe that the other one was actually interested. Oh poor Jacob. Bless his heart. She was just a friend during the winter of senior year, but I wanted her to be so much more. I just didn’t think it would happen. Jake urged me to do whatever I could to be together with her. I didn’t know how to go about it; it was frustrating. One time, in particular, I went to Katelin’s home to study for an art history test. She looked beautiful, as she always does and it was almost too much for me to handle. I wanted to kiss her, or hold onto her or something! But I didn’t have the guts. I just sat and dreamt about us being together. I remember driving home that night in the gold Mazda all alone, and I lost it. I was punching the steering wheel and yelling and then calling Jake and yelling as well. “I want to be with her so bad!” jakes reply was classic and one of the smartest utterances ever to proceed of the mouth of Desperado, “Then make it happen ya crazy.” Then came the experience that happened in Kun Fu Panda that was mentioned previously. Sorry, I backtracked but I had to mention this, as it was significant.

Next up... first kiss! But, I'm going out of town... patience!

Chapter 2 (Junior Year)

This one's a long one!! Here we go!

Anything typed like this is me interjecting... :) you're about to see into high school Katelin like you never have before! enjoy!

Between that spring until the beginning of junior year is a little bit of a mystery to me. I don’t recall too much interaction between us that summer. I do, however, remember the first day in Mrs. Beards US History class. It turns out that we were in the same class and Katelin still remembered me. She still made me nervous so I waited until she approached me, which she did immediately during a “get to know you” activity on the first day; I remember being absolutely terrified to talk to him. I was absolutely thrilled that she still knew me well enough to exchange a few words. This was what I like to call the second beginning.

I ended up sitting in the seat in front of her during Mrs. Beard’s class and as insignificant as it may seem, the excitement can only be described as, it felt like Christmas. I remember her constantly joking about anything and everything I am not funny... and our senses of humor are so different. I don't know how he thought I was funny. and I would use any excuse I could to turn around. I learned a lot about katelin and her personality in these times and she is still the same sweet, light-hearted woman today. We became pretty good classmates but nothing more until Cyndi and Brayden I mean. This year in school was when Brayden and I rekindled our friendship from; yes you guessed it, third grade. So, naturally, the invite came to join them. I remember Katelin invited me to one of their get togethers and this is when I made the sly move of getting her phone number. In class we had an ongoing joke about whose phone was more indestructible. So one day I explained to katelin that I was going to send her phone so many text messages that it was going to explode. She must have not believed me or something because she gave me her phone number. I’ll never forget it, 8-6-7-1-5-0-5. We were learning about the battle between Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull later in this class. We changed our names in each other's phones. I was Crazy Horse, he was Sitting Bull. We never changed them. Till he left for England!

As the time wore on, our relationship began to develop further and the lot of us became quite good friends. However, at this point, the opposite of what I wanted began to happen. I will explain how Brayden ended up with Katelin, and not me. I wanted her so bad, but perhaps I wasn’t making it manifest as I should have. I remember always paying special attention to her and always trying to be closest to her. Looking back now, I wish I would have made a move or something. No regrets! It all works out. I recall one experience where we all watched Hot Rod together and me sitting next to Katelin was my idea of “moving in for the kill”. Pitiful. There was NEVER any signals or signs sent. NO ONE had ANY CLUE he was interested! I swear!

Things grew progressively worse for me and increasingly better for Brayden. I had no idea at the time but I guess he just had more game than me… ha. hahahahahahaha I remember that final nail in the coffin as well. The sweethearts dance was coming up in February and Katelin asked Brayden and Cyndi asked me. This wasn’t the nail though. It was a nail for me! I wanted to go with him soooooo bad! Why do you think I told Cyndi to ask him? I loved being around him!! The night came along when I needed to answer Cyndi about the dance. So I got Katelin involved. I was all giddy because it meant that Katelin and I would be alone. I went to great lengths to make this happen and to be honest, I probably shouldn’t have gone out that night as the roads were quite icy and the snow was falling, but I went. I remember taking my mom’s car and still sliding as I turned onto 13^th east from highland drive. Scared me half to death. I picked up Katelin and went to the store and somehow Brayden managed to get wind of what we were up to and met us there. I was furious. Things were fine until we left Cyndi’s house and Brayden and Katelin sat in the backseat while I played chauffer. He is really making me sound like the bad guy. I remember Brayden asking me to sit in the back, and once again, no signs of interest from Mr. Trace. So I figured I was fine. Angry as I was, it quickly turned to heartache when I saw, in the rear view window, Katelin put her head on his shoulder. Pretty sure I was just terrified that we were all gonna die on these roads, so I was covering my face so I didn't have to watch. I was crushed and convinced myself that it was now hopeless. So, to an extent, I gave up on that dream. I decided to shift gears and just be a good friend to the both of them.

Just because those two ended up dating didn’t mean that Katelin and I didn’t become closer.  I often found myself playing mediator between the both of them. I remember several times talking to Katelin on the phone for a good half an hour to an hour discussing the two of them. I used ANY excuse to call him. Don’t think that I was trying to break the two of them up, in fact, I had moved on to chasing different women! I just found the two of them amusing and I still had a soft spot in my heart for Katelin. Katelin has asked me two or three times if I get jealous and I usually answer no. However, at this time, I may have been jealous… a tad bit. It used to get me every time. Brayden would say “Kate”. I think this is why I have always refrained from calling her this. That is just speculation however. He has called me Kate one time. That I can remember. Since I've met him. 

Alright... sorry everyone who I never told that I kissed a boy... whoops. I remember Katelin’s first kiss with Brayden. I won’t go into too much detail as I wasn’t present and Katelin may be upset at me. It happened during spring break of junior year, sometimes in March I believe. I was on holiday with my family in Mesquite and they both called me immediately after they separated that night. I took both their calls outside by the pool. They both had a different story to tell. But, I sat on a pool chair under the palm trees on that warm evening and wished it would have been me that kissed her. It was her first kiss and she would always tell me about how fantastic she wanted her first kiss to be. I think this is why I was so timid about doing it when I had the chance. It wasn't fantastic. For the record. I called Trace to complain, vent, and almost cry. 

As time wore on I grew further away from both Katelin and Brayden. I just stood on the sidelines you could say. I became very involved in Ocean Floor Traffic at this point and didn’t see much want in being a third wheel. Plus I had a quick little stint of dating a girl named Charlotte. The next main event was when Brayden and Katelin came to an end. Things had been a bit rocky for them as I can remember and Katelin called him up and called it off. I remember her ringing me immediately afterwards to talk about it. It was a show day for me so I was frantically running around making last minute preparations for the gig that evening. I wish I could have given the time and attention she deserved but I was driving and had the band mates crowded around. I remember the feeling I got when she told me. I was pulling onto 3^rd east from Willow Springs when she told me the news. I was definitely surprised. They both awkwardly came to the show that night.

The next chapter that unfolded in my life was a dark one. I need to take a break from writing for a few moments to gather my thoughts and remember the sequence of events. It was the very end of junior year and the beginning of summer before senior year that things starting to go south for me. That summer I had limited communication with Katelin but I always considered her a very good friend. It was around this time that I started dating Ellie, which is a whole other story in itself. For many months, I had been hanging around friends who were doing things they shouldn’t have been and for many months I convinced myself I was strong enough to resist their wicked ways. Turns out I was wrong and the temptation wore me down. I ended up in a bad place. It was definitely an extremely low point in my life.

Stay tuned... this is gonna be good. 

Chapter 1... HIS STORY

it's here! the Katelin and Trace story. Oh buckle your seatbelts blog readers! It's going to be a fun ride. and you may need some tissues. So, unfortunately, I got a little side tracked and haven't gotten past my chapter one... BUT! Luckily our stories match pretty well. So go back and read that... then you can read his side! :) I'll keep transcribing every couple of days, and you can all get to know the Trace that I'm so in love with!

Here we go!

Upon request, I will write down my perspective of the time of my life that has been affected by Katelin Cook. I will record up to this point in time. Due to a lack of journal and other resources I will rely solely upon my memories. I will write as romanticized or as subjective as my mind recalls. Please forgive me if I miss any details, however, I will do my best to be as thorough as possible.

From what I can remember, the first time I met Katelin Cook was sophomore year in Mrs. Childs honors English class. I believe I spent most of my time on the front row left side while Katelin sat towards the back on the opposite side; this is where I would watch her. Through occasional interaction in class as well as through Blake Bartholomew, bless his heart, we began a relationship. At this point in my life I had just come out of middle school prison, which had held me bound and my attitude was expectant as I looked forward to meeting new friends, as well as new women of course. Needless to say, I was hungry for the win, and she was definitely in my sights.

I remember getting the biggest thrill out of the little things. Talking to her as we waited for the first bell to ring, claiming spots on the love sac in the classroom during movies and, of course, the everlasting back-tickle. These were all part of the things that framed our relationship, which was… friends. We remained as such for a very long time. I recount the climax of this chapter. It was the wintertime of sophomore year and a group of friends were gathered at my long lost 3^rd grade best friends house, Tyler Evenson. There were various males and females about but somehow it turned to the two of us alone in the basement, we were still quite unfamiliar with one another so we sat, on opposite couches, throwing a football between us and we talked. She told me she loved to dance, that she had five sisters, and she told me she had family in Idaho. Other than these things, I don’t remember much else about the words exchanged but I remember how fast my heart was beating. Katelin made me nervous. I watched her as she lay there in her sweat pants and Dance Company hoodie, the outfit I would come to know her by and I felt the urge to be with this woman.

It was that very next spring that I attended the Dance Company concert, of which Katelin was part. It took quite a great deal to get me there but because Daniel Haslam bought me a ticket, I couldn’t say no. I attended with Dan, who was another long lost friend from 3^rd grade, and rather enjoyed myself. Little did I know that this was the first of many dance performances I would attend in the coming years.

Funny things I noticed:

1. The back scratch story in mine... he called it the "everlasting back tickle"

2. Both of us knowing he only came to the concert cuz Dan had 2 tickets

3. We both remembered throwing a football in T-Vo's basement.

I'm loving this.

Lair Bake

Well. I'm home and ready for my last week of summer! It's so depressing. But I had so much fun up at Bear Lake with some friends!! Here, enjoy some pixshures.


Pretty sure I'm moving here. Tomorrow.



No, this isn't the friend I went up with! It's another friend who happened to be staying on the other side of the lake and came to take me wave running for a sec. Way fun.



This is the sweet cabin we stayed at. Launched right from shore and everything. The lot in the left is for sale..... Daddyyyyy!



No trip to bear lake is complete without shakes!!! Mmmmm

I was too scared to take my phone out on the boat so I don't have any pictures from that, but I did finally get back IN the wake on the wakeboard and got the best air on the tube out of EVERYONE (and still held on, by the way). I skied on some skis that haven't been touched in 10 years, and really just had a great time!

Until next post, have a good sabbath! :)

Ready for a vacay

Yesterday I went on a little hike with Spencer. I took my sweet phone and snapped some pictures. Look how easy it is to post them. Life is good.


This iPhone also means big things for Cass and me. We love to sing songs while she pounds it out on the pinano, y'all better get ready for lots of videos.



I haven't taken any vacations all summer... So I'm going to Bear Lake tomorrow!! Whoop whoop! I'm so stoked and ready to relax.

I don't know who said it's not about the money money money, because I'm pretty sure it's all about the price tag, but whoever sings that is welcome to try to make the world dance...

Welcome

To the 21st century! As the red hot chili peppers sang... There's a reason for the 21st century... Well I'm pretty sure that reason is so everyone can get iPhones. How have I gone 20 years without this?! Mom, Dad, BEST. (early) BIRTHDAY. EVER.

You can all get excited for a WHOLE lot of blogging!! Thank to this $2.99 app I bought.

Let's party.

3 months later...

One year ago (in 4 days) my family drove me to the airport in the middle of the night, and I flew across the country all by myself to live and work in the sunshine state. Oh how I miss it.

I also hugged (and maybe kissed) this boy for the last time. (last picture... cute)

a LOT has changed and happened in the last year. But one thing is for sure, I still love this kid. Now, you can't tell me I haven't dated. I've dated. I've hung out. I've met new people. I've given it my all, and still, when asked about these boys, my reaction is... "he's no Trace". I will continue to date, but things are lookin up for Krace.

So! Summer! Right?! It's almost over, and I have failed wonderfully in the blogosphere. For that, I apologize. Let's recap shall we?!

Since my last post...
I bought this car, and have learned about having a loan. She doesn't have a name yet, except the seagreen sebring. But, she's treated me well thus far.

I have come to love country dancing. It's bizarre, and it can be very awkward. It's not the social norm to stand on the side and wait for a boy to ask you to dance. Maybe that's why I love it so much. It's so nerve wracking, but exhilarating!! We have a lot of fun. I also have a Lexi addiction. (middle) I got to know Lex when she started dating my best friend Caleb. (who gets home in 7 months. YESSSSSSSSSS) Anyway, Lexi is the greatest example and I've been blessed to have her live 2 seconds away from me. She has talked me through so many hard things, and easy things that I make harder than they need to be. I love her to death and miss her. (she's in Ecuador being a saint, then she's moving back to Logan)

I went on a road trip to Zions with my friendlies and we had a wonderful time. It was really my only summer vacation. Except, I'm going to Bear Lake for a couple of days on Friday. I'm very excited. This trip was much needed and I have never felt so accomplished as I did at the top of Angel's Landing! Then, we ran down... 2 miles of switchbacks? mmmkay.

I got to live with this kid. I got to be woken up by the cutest and grumpiest little "No Tate" every day. It was a full house, but I was happy to wake up a babysitter, I love my boys.

Trace's sister got married and we shipped her off to Kentucky. We'll miss her, but her and Paul will be so happy together out there. It's funny to me because we watched their entire relationship. We compared it to ours, and learned from theirs. I remember being there when he picked her up on their first date! Love it.

Side story. I made this cardboard Trace for the wedding. Then I stayed to help clean up after the reception. Everyone was busy, the trailer was full, and it was raining, so I stuck Trace in my trunk and completely forgot about him. I got a text last sunday from his brother that said "do you know what happened to Trace?" I immediately teared up and my heart sank. Only the worst thoughts came to mind. I left my church meeting to call him and got another text... "the cardboard Trace, where is he?!" Oh heavens. Talk about an affirmation of love! hahahaha

It's been a wonderful summer. Full of new friends and old friends. (shout out to Cyndi and Emelia, still there for me, still rockin it. I value the time I get to spend with them now more than ever)

Faith is my foundation. Whenever I feel my life spinning out of control I go back to those little things, the tender mercies of the Lord. Reading my scriptures is something I've been struggling with, but working hard on. My Heavenly Father loves me. He knows that my life is crazy and he helps me keep the positive attitude that is absolutely necessary to get through this time of life called growing up.

I promise to post again soon. Until next time... Remember, your eyes must do some rainin, if you're ever gonna grow!